Think You're Dumb About Computers,
Read This, You'll Feel Better.
Take heart, anyone among you who
believes he or she is technologically challenged, you "ain't seen
nothing" yet.
1. Compaq is considering changing
the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood
of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a
caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust
cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was
packaged in.
3. A Dell technician received a
call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him
he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad
command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
4. A confused caller to IBM was
having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the
computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user had also tried
turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer
still couldn't "see" the printer.
5. An exasperated caller to Dell
Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on.
After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her
what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed
and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal"
turned out to be the computer's mouse...
6. Another Dell customer called to
say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of
troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a
piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting
the "Send" key.
7. Another customer called Compaq
tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she
unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting
for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the
power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"
8. Another IBM customer had trouble
installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and
that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems
with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even
fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied
removing Disk 1 first.
9. Yet another Dell customer called
to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by
filling up his bathtub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for
a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
10. A story from a Novell NetWare
SysOp:
CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech
Support?"
TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help
you?"
CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is
broken -and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting
that fixed?"
TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a
cup holder?"
CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the
front of my computer."
TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem
a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a
promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it
have any trademark on it?"
CALLER: "It came with my computer I
don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."At this
point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it.
He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of
the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and it had snapped it off the drive.
11. A woman called the Canon help
desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was
"running it under Windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to
the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next
to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."
12. And last but not least:
TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's
press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a
task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring
up the Program Manager."
CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that"
